Fourth Cycle

I think the last place I left off was that we were going to start another cycle with our current fertility clinic. After our third unsuccessful cycle that yielded in zero normal embryos, my doctor changed my protocol and said let's try again. He said it was "bad luck." I have heard that one before. Too many times. Try two years of bad luck, but like they say if you want something bad enough....oh and we do....you gotta work for it.

So we got our new protocol after many visits, consults, and phone-calls and I couldn't wait to get started. We received our medication I believe right after we got the bad news about our zero normal embryos and were ready to start in February with shots for an egg retrieval in March of 2022. I know I'm missing a lot of details. It seems like forever ago that we did that cycle, but looking back I guess it wasn't that long ago. The cycle was normal as far as follicular growth. I would go in practically every other day to check and see how they were progressing to see if we needed to modify any medications. I will explain briefly what that means so skip forward if you're well versed in STIM cycles. So basically women produce one egg each month and if that egg isn't fertilized then your uterine lining sheds and you get a period. Well when you STIM or stimulate the ovaries to produce more follicles, ultimately more eggs, you are manipulating your cycle so you have a chance of getting a viable embryo. Think more follicles equals more eggs equals more chances of fertilization equals more chances of a healthy viable embryo to put back in. Hopefully that helps a bit. So for these follicular checks, you just want to make sure they are growing in length or getting mature and that there are enough of them to get you some good eggies. I know many women in the IVF community who have had to cancel their cycles because they could "stimulate" enough follicles to even get to the egg retrieval process.

So fast forward to trigger shot day and I believe we had around 17-19 decent sized follicles. In theory each follicle would get you an egg, but that's not always the case. It was March a few weeks before my spring break and we went in for our retrieval. I always liked these procedures because they knocked you out for them, so your anxiety was taken away, well temporarily until you woke up and had to find out how many they retrieved haha. Anytime you walk in those offices your emotions are high. You're excited, but terrified all at the same time. Your brain sometimes goes back to the last experience and if it was a negative one, clearly it was or we wouldn't have been here again for another retrieval, you start to worry and become defeated. This time I chose hope though. I thought, hey we have some good looking follicles, there's got to be one good egg in there. (insert shrugging shoulders emoji here)

After the procedure I woke up in the recovery room and remember the nurse coming in. I asked her "How many?" She said we got 14. I was very happy! It was a few shy of what we got last cycle, but still a really good number. Now we wait. In twenty-four hours from this day we would get our fertilization report. Typically about 80 percent of the retrieved eggs fertilize. With all of our previous cycles, we typically had that so I felt confident. The next day I received a phone-call saying that elven were mature and seven fertilized! This was great news. Now the really hard part...we had to wait another five days to see if they made it to blastocyst stage, meaning developed into an embryo and had the corresponding number of cells. Ahhhh yes more waiting. I remember I was at work when I received the portal message. The students were working and I was able to check it on my work computer. I read the report and couldn't believe it. SEVEN out of SEVEN made it to blast phase. That meant we had seven embryos to send off to genetic testing. I was thrilled. I couldn't wait to tell my husband. There is this show on Netflix that Maddie watches and in the show they sing a song. The song is titled, "Lucky Number Seven". I had hope. For the first time in a long time. Of course I still had my doubts and disbeliefs...I mean who wouldn't given our history. But this was a new cycle and a new chance with seven little embryos!

Tom and I were fortunate enough to take a little trip to celebrate my thirty-ninth birthday, plus just get away from all the stress. People talk about daily stressors, but add IVF into the mix and you have a whole new level of tired lol. Anyway...we were able to go to Florida for a few thanks to my parents for helping out and before we left got the news. You spend a lot of money to get these babies tested, so you hope for at least one making it so you have a chance for transfer. Not a chance for baby. Those don't necessarily mean the same thing, but you do have a chance that it will be successful so we just wanted to get there. This was it...my nurse called and Maddie had my phone at the time. She accidently hung up on her and I freaked out. Thankfully she called me right back and said, "Natalie.....are you sitting down." I actually was on the couch haha. She spoke these same words the previous cycle when we got zero out of six, so my heart sunk into my stomach. "Natalie....you got four! Would you like to know the genders?" I couldn't believe it. I thought I would be hysterical and cry and freak out, but I really just took all that information in. It was a true blessing. We had FOUR viable, genetically tested, chromosomally normal embryos. I was beyond elated. I called Tom and told him the news immediately.

The next steps were enjoy vacation and show gratitude for the great news we received. There was a time where I was crying in my closet after our third unsuccessful egg retrieval that I honestly didn't' know if this would happen for us. I wanted it so badly, but that wasn't a guarantee. Nothing is I suppose. After an enjoyable and celebratory vacation we came back home and decided that transferring one of those embryos was the next step. Unfortunately we couldn't just do that. There was more testing and more waiting that needed to be done. I can elaborate more in a later post, but ultimately we didn't wind up transferring until the first week of September. So from March until September we just had to wait.

I'll definitely share in more detail about the whole transfer process and the steps leading up to it because it's fascinating and also might give someone else some hope or answers in their journey.

What wound up happening was that one little embryo took. Our baby boy is in there as we speak. I am still in disbelief most days. I can't believe we are here. After all this time and all this heartache. IVF is no guarantee, but it's a chance and helping you create or expand your family if you desire to endure the cluster fuck of an emotionally and physically draining rollercoaster ride. We took that chance and I'm so glad we did. I still have my doubts, my worries, my anxieties, those thoughts creep back in, like are we gonna make it with this one? I remind myself often that this little one has defied all the odds so far and hopefully he will continue to amaze us and grace us Earth side here soon in May 2023.

To my loyal readers....thank you. To my friends and family who have genuinely been happy and supportive thank you. To the haters and jealous souls who have told me to give up, be thankful for what I do have, who have told me I'm lucky....I first pray for you and secondarily I encourage you to go back and read some of my previous posts. None of this process has been easy. It's been work. It's been legitimate blood, sweat, and tears and unless you've been in it, you have no clue. I can assure you that, but for those who have tried to empathize...again I thank you.

Picture of Lucky Socks:

I will close with this, you never know what someone is going through so give them the benefit of the doubt and recognize that their struggles past and present might be different from yours, but that doesn't make them any less painful. Show grace and kindness and most importantly show gratitude. Happy Holidays. This Christmas is sure a blessed one.

#ivf #pregnancy #pregnancyafterloss #miracle #gratitude #pregnancylossjourney #ivfjourney #pregnant #thankful #pregnancylossawareness